Feel free to use anything there, or anything from my blog. A great deal of my blog entries are about parenting and healthy relationships with your kids. I’m not ready to proclaim myself a success (I would say that people outside my family who’ve met my sons are the only ones qualified to judge that), but I try to respond when people ask me for advice.

Let me commend you for maintaining a great balance of perspective here. That’s one of the key things in working with teenagers (not losing the “big picture” perspective), and many parents either don’t get that, or just don’t want to. – Tim

I love your reasons for not drinking and how you explained that, I think I might be using those in a post coming up, is that ok? really great comment.
Vanessa

As the father of two sons (one 17 and the other 20), I’ve watched some of what you’re describing in my sons’ peers. Here’s how what I told my sons about alcohol:

1) Your mom and I don’t drink, even socially. There are several reasons for this, but it’s not because alcohol is somehow inherently evil as a substance. In fact, there is research to suggest that in appropriate moderation, some kinds of alcohol (wine, for instance) have minor negative effects, and possibly positive ones. However, we haven’t yet seen conclusive evidence to suggest that not drinking poses some kind of risk.

My reasons for not drinking are: a) I want to be in control of myself in social situations, b) I believe that mature people take responsibility for their actions, and that’s only possible when you’re in control, c) I want to help my children understand that their actions may have consequences that can’t be undone with “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to permanently disfigure your daughter with my car… it was just a couple of drinks,” and d) I have a tendency toward compulsive and addictive behaviors, and that doesn’t mix well with alcohol.

2) There is not yet any definitive way to know who is going to be susceptible to alcoholism and who isn’t. Until there is, experimenting with alcohol is engaging in a potentially life-threatening activity. Yes, some people seem able to smoke without developing lung cancer. Others don’t. Is there a good reason to take that risk?

3) I’m responsible for your behavior until you’re 18, and I expect you to in turn be responsible for the choices you make. Therefore, be “in control” enough to take such responsibility.

4) If you want to continue to participate in sports, regardless of what the coach’s rules are, be aware that your actions as a teen have a way of following you. This is also true when you’re looking for a job, long after sports are in your past.

Tim

P.S. Both of my sons have, at various times, left parties where they knew stuff was going on. They have also kept friends whose parents had similar views to what I stated above. That helps, as they can all complain to each other about how strict their parents are.