How to Be a Sports Family: 20 Do’s and Don’t’s

This guest post is by Greg Burton who is a lifelong athlete and founder of Zoose an Internet sports portal that brings every athlete’s sports world within reach through the Internet.

I did NOT grow up in a sporting family. My folks not only did not exercise, but they were against me and my two sisters playing sports. In response, probably in rebellion, I, and one of my sisters, became sports junkies. Not fans, but players and competitors. We both have competed nationally and internationally in various sports, and still (we’re old!) play seriously.

And even more radically, I am now the CEO of www.zoosse.com, a website devoted to an athlete’s lifelong relationship with their sports and their athletic community.

I imagine everyone has their personal reasons for pursuing, or choosing not to pursue, sports. Some kids are not competitive, and they never will be. Some are Alpha Dogs, and will compete over who can balance 3 Cheerios on their nose the longest. However, with all the data we have about health, obesity, diabetes and other health implications, It must be a given that kids should be active.

So how does a family instill a desire to stay in shape in their children? How do you know if you are pushing a kid too hard to compete? How do you allow your kids to reach their potential, without being overbearing? What do you do with a kid who doesn’t have that killer instinct? In forty years of sports, and ten years of parenthood, I have seen thousands of families try to work this out, and I would be the last one to say I have the answers, because I have seen so many different successes, and so many failures.

Here’s a list of ways I see to instill a healthy love for sports, while allowing for individual aptitudes and aggressiveness, the Do’s:

1: Give kids every opportunity to “find their sport”: Have sports equipment around, and let the kids play with them. And reward them when they ask you to go out and play with them.

2: Go to many local sports venues and competitions, preferably where the kids get close enough to touch the equipment, ask questions, and, ideally, to see people just a little older than they are, who are very good at their sports.

3: Play sports, or at very least, work out, yourself. Teach your kids how to do the sports you do, and to live healthy lives, every day. You are your kids’ most consistent role model.

4: INSTILL RESPECT:

a: Respect the rules and cultures of the various sports: Wear white at traditional tennis clubs, get “rad” when you take the kids snowboarding. Loving sports means also loving their cultures.

b: Show respect for great players and talents, whether they are your kids, or their competitors. There will (almost) always be kids who are better, bigger, faster, more talented, better trained. Appreciate that, and use those players as role models for your kids. And teach your little competitor to understand when someone does have a great shot, and how to work around it. That is the definition of respect!

c: Teach dignity and sportsmanship.

5: Have sports idols, and share them with the kids. Wonder at Federer’s backhand (I do!), talk about your kids’ soccer idols, etc.

6: Play casually with the kids, and do active things with them just for fun. Have hopping contests, long jump games, tennis ball tosses, catches with stuffed dolls when they’re young, etc.

7: Get them to play on a few teams, and get them lessons for a few sports. Let them decide when they’ve had enough.

8: Tell the kids stories of your great triumphs and your worst failures, and your own sports life. They’ll love it, and remember every word.

9: Be the best sport on the sidelines. Root hard, laugh at funny mistakes, commiserate over bad games, and share the fun.

10: Only encourage. You can say don’t do this or that, but then give the kid the right way to do this or that.

Here’s a list of DON’TS:

1: Don’t tell them what sport they will play, unless it’s obvious. Even then, just hint. My eldest son and my youngest son both inherited my big muscular butt, so I know they will be soccer players, racquet players, or something terrestrial. The oldest son has “those feet”, a way of moving them that is a gift, where it almost looks as if he were a marionette, and the feet were barely touching the ground. It’s poetic, and every person I have seen with “those feet” has been either All American or a pro. Our middle son, who is 8, has long, lean muscles, a lanky gait, and no butt. He has the build to be either a swimmer or a long distance runner, except he has great eye hand coordination and loves fencing and hitting squash balls. The jury’s out on him. And it should be. That was the point with this tip. Let them find their own path, but give them the opportunities.

2: Don’t be overbearing. Most of the great athletes I have seen give up on their sports have done so because they were rebelling against overbearing parents. Give the kids the opportunities, espouse greatness in a sport, discuss the thrill of playing, but do not shove sports, especially any one sport, down a kid’s throat. You will alienate the kid, and totally turn them off from that sport.

3: Don’t live your sports frustrations through your kids. It’s their time to be their own athlete, not yours. You blew out your knee while trying out for the Mets? Keep that history healthy: Sure, it stunk to lose your sports future to an injury, but being out of the pros opened up other doors, and left you with great stories to tell your kid. And if your kid knows your past, they’ll respect you more, and they’ll be begging you to take them out for a catch after dinner. Kids are dying to idolize their parents.

4: NEVER YELL IN ANGER FROM THE SIDELINE! Every parent I have ever seen do that has lost their kid’s enthusiasm, and some have been asked never to come back to the field.

5: Never express disappointment unless your kid has given you permission to do so.

6: Never contradict your kid’s coach, except directly to the coach, and even then, preferably out of earshot of the kid.

7: Don’t be cheap with the equipment you get them. Poor fitting clothes, skates, shoes, etc., will hurt the kid and bruise their psyche. If you can compromise on equipment, they can compromise on working hard on the ice.

8: Don’t show fear, whatever you do! If they are trying a new flip in gymnastics, trust the coach to spot them until they don’t need it. Don’t make that “Oh my God he’s going to break something” face. If they see it, they will!

9: Don’t have more important things to do. Nothing is more important than your kids, and they’ll be gone, and with the wrong message to pass on to their kids, way too soon.

10: And never tell your kids they can’t do something athletic. If you tell them they can’t do it, and they end up doing it, you just lost traction with them. If they want to try, let them.

What are your sports family stories? How do you inspire your kids to play sports? Please come join me on www.zoosse.com to tell me your do’s and don’ts, or join our PARENTS OF ATHLETES Group on Zoosse, and tell the rest of us parents your stories!

Greg Burton is a lifelong athlete. He was ranked in under-17 tennis, was an Olympic caliber fencer (and was recruited to Penn to fence), and then, when his back went out, ending his fencing career, he took up squash, eventually rising to #3 in the nation. He has been a pro racing sailor, racing on everything from J/35s to 115 foot maxis, and has taught and coached 5 sports. After a long investment career, Greg hung up his practice to build www.zoosse.com, an Internet sports portal that brings every athlete’s sports world within reach through the Internet. He can be reached at greg@zoosse.com, or just find him at Zoosse.

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