Mom Humor: Life With A Teen Girl [Guest Post]

This Guest post is by Shawna Thomas an aspiring writer and single mother of five children. Daily, she attempts to balance work, family, the house and maintain a semblance of sanity

I know I’m getting older; the evidence faces me in the mirror every morning. But I’ve always considered myself a hip mom. You know, in tune with the young crowd: cool. No more. I think I am now officially old, out of the loop, an old-timer. Why? A new fashion trend I just can’t understand: the messy ponytail.

Fashion trends come and go and even if I didn’t like some of them, I kind ‘got’ them, you know? I could see that even though I couldn’t wear it, or shouldn’t wear it, the style looked good on someone with say… no cellulite.

I’ve always rather liked that my 13 year old daughter still seems to value my opinion on matters of fashion. At least she still asks for help with her make up or hair or at least wants to know if I think she looks okay. Doing her hair usually involves straightening and teasing—an activity I had to learn, I mean, come on, my mother teased her hair. The style skipped my generation. The how she looks is merely countering the, “I look ugly today,” with, “You’re beautiful”, “that’s cute”, or, “you’re not wearing that out of the house”.

The other morning, she asked me to put her hair in a messy ponytail. I asked her where the brush was. She replied that you don’t need a brush for a messy ponytail. I felt challenged. First off, sans brush, I felt a little underequipped. In my mind, when I think of ‘ponytail’, I see the hair of the 50’s, smooth, neatly brushed back from face, wrapped in band, sometimes a few clips, you know: geek.

I did my best to not do my best. I mean, you have to bring the hair together to anchor it somehow, so I did so with my finger tips, and then wrapped it in the rubber band. I looked at the finished product—definitely not neat, therefore, messy. Right? I was proud. She walked into the bathroom to look at the finished product and grimaced. “I said a messy ponytail, mom.” Then with the typical teenage sigh, yeah, you know the one. “Oh, you don’t know how to do it… grumble, grumble, grumble,” as she walked back down the hall to her room. I fought the urge to come back with, “Well you don’t know how to do either.” I’m the grown-up in the relationship, I failed the pony tail test, it was the least I could do.

This morning, I peeked in on her while she was getting ready for school and now I know what a messy ponytail is. Image you want to put your hair in a pony tail, okay? Now, pretend you don’t have thumbs. Put the hair in a rubber band on the top of your head near the crown. Do not put all the hair in, let some kind of loop out. Now, sleep in it. Voila! You have created a messy ponytail. Is this the new fashion trend for middle school? I mean could it possibly be?

Who knows? I am now planning to spy out other girls my daughter’s age just on the off chance its not a new fashion trend and middle school has finally sent her over the edge. It’s either that or believe I have finally reached the age where I just don’t get it.

Where’s the rocking chair?

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