Nate is a 16 year-old living in Los Angeles, CA and he writes his own awesome blog at Naterocks.com. He gives us the young male perspective parents need, thanks Nate!
Bonding or even communicating with your male offspring may seem like a daunting task and is probably something that you have tried to do on a few different levels over time and haven’t been so successful at.
Here are some tips for Moms to help bond with their male teens.
Communicating with your teen may frustrate, annoy you, or even piss you off. However when you try to bond with you teen and things go wrong it is important to remember however frustrated you are, they are likely feeling the same way towards you.
So tip number one is to try to start off positive. When you want to start a conversation with your teen try to open with something neutral, like “Did you see that new movie?” or “How is your favorite sports team doing?”
2) On The Defense
Don’t start a conversation by saying something like “I got a call from school about your bad grades.” or “How was your friend’s party last night, were there drugs?” When you start a conversation like that you teen will automatically move into a defensive mind set and he will not be open and want to talk with you. Also it is important to remember that if you only talk to your teen about the negative things that he is doing, then he will never want to talk to you.
When trying to talk with your teen he may express that he does not want to talk then. This is normal teen behavior; it does not mean that your teen is trying to hide something. If your teen says something like that then it is important for you to respect his wishes. Remember, he is a teen now and can think for himself.
When you talk to your teen remember that he is no longer a child and that he can think for himself. He doesn’t really need your help with many of the things that he used to and you may be surprised about his opinions of the world. Also it is important to remember that as your teen gets older he will no longer be the child that he once was, and in all likelihood he will not want to do things with you. This is normal teen behavior; however, there are a few things that you can do to bond with your teen that he may actually be into.
When you do bond with your teen it is important to keep in mind that the best place to bond is at home. At home your teen will not receive negative peer reinforcement for doing something with his mom in public. Keeping in mind that teens eat a lot, a good way to start a conversation with your teen is to have regular family meals. If you can’t do it every night, then maybe try once every week. Another good thing to do with your teen is to watch a movie on TV with him. Watching a movie is a good way to have a shared experience with him, and by doing it at home he won’t feel un-cool for hanging out with his mom in public. After the movie it may be a good idea to try to talk about what you liked and did not like with him and to ask him what he thought. You may learn something new about your teen and it is a good way to start a dialogue between you.
I love Nate’s tips and think that bonding with boys is one of the toughest things, but do not give up!
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