This is a fabulous post by teen intern: My name is Samantha. I am an aspiring fashion journalist who lives in the OC.
During my adolescent years, I had a real hard time communicating with my parents. I didn’t know whether it was going to get any better and I couldn’t stand that “awkward” tension between us. I guess you could say that my frequent “that’s not fair” answer was my favorite, along with the sulking and pouting. But by the time I wore them out, and it got old real fast. Instead of talking with my parents and helping my situations get better, I ended up pushing them further away, when at the time they were desperately needed. My “rebellious stage” worsened and it got to the point where a normal glance at my way, would spark sarcastic comments and tone raised question back. Now that I look back, I question my rebel ways. I have come to a few conclusions: Immaturity and a new atmosphere.
My rebellious stage occurred between the ages 12 and 14. Right around that time I was adjusting to the changes in my body, the spurt growth that I endured twice, and a move to a new city. Once I passed over into the “teens,” I wanted to be the boss of me. Quickly taking my dad’s hand out of mine when crossing the side walk, and being embarrassed by a drop-off “peck” from my mom at school, I did not want to be that “little girl,” I was growing up fast in my eyes. Despite what my parents told me, it was either “my way or the highway.” But that concept died real fast. My immaturity quickly overshadowed my “big girl” perception, and instead of making MY way known, I only lessened the respect from my parents and helped lower my self-image.
I attended catholic school till I was twelve, and when I moved to a new city, attended a new public school, I would have to say that it was a bit too much for a sheltered girl to handle. All my new friends had a 10 o’clock curfew, which at the time I didn’t even know a 13 year old could have, and I quickly wanted to be like them. Disobeying my parents, and refusing to act my age, I was quick to compare the differences between my parents and those of my parent’s friends, only making my situations worse. I think that my parents handled my rebellious ways properly.
The old “No” to everything got old fast for them and they learned that explaining the “No” was more effective than actually just saying it. They also explained that there is a time for things; a time for me to experience the “10 o’clock curfew” at a certain age. Once my rebel ways lessened, I was able experience more things that I was not able to do before: go to the mall with my friends alone, stay out later than 8 o’ clock, go to the promenade alone with friends, etc. I think that since they explained to me that I wasn’t going to get anywhere by being immature and not accepting some house rules, I quickly learned to be patient, and in the end I experienced new things. As for advice on teen rebellion, I would say that:
-Communication is always wanted. Knowing why we (the teens) can’t do something is better understood when knowing an explanation, rather than a “No” or a “Cuz I said so.”
-For parents I would say that coming to a compromise is always positive and good for your teen. Instead of making them feel like their situation won’t get any better, make a compromise with them. For example, I wanted to go to the mall with my friends alone but my parents said no. Instead, they compromised on letting me go to the mall with my friends while they went their separate direction and shopped.
-Reassure them (from parent to teen) that the love is still there and just because you won’t let them do something it does not mean that you do not love them.
As rebellious as I was, I do thank my parents and realize that they were right to say “NO.” I was simply not at that age yet and now that I waited, I appreciate the experiences even more. I regret some of my rebellious antics but in the end it made the relationship with my parents better and stronger.