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When my mom did not get her private time, it was a problem. I am realizing more and more that many of the moms I talk to do not take enough time and energy to take care of them selves. They always put their needs last in the family. No, scratch that, last in the household.
I had a few of my clients fill-out a survey where they had to rank areas of their life in order of importance. When I tallied up the numbers, I was shocked to see that this was the average ranking of importance for most of the parents:
Kid 1 Needs
Kid 2 Needs
Kid 3 Needs
Hello!? If you do not take care of your needs, than you will not be able to take care of others nearly as well. And some parents even end up begrudging other people because their own needs are never met. For the sake of teens everywhere, I am asking you to please give yourself a break. When you do, you are happier, calmer and deserve some time to yourself! (if we give you trouble on this, have them email me)
Here are some tips to getting back, what I like to call your Sanctimommy-time: (for busy dads too!)
1) Schedule It
It is so easy to forgo your personal time when something that you think is ‘more important comes up.” This IS important. To make sure you keep it, schedule it in. Make it like an appointment, put it on the family calendar, your palm pilot and put up post-it notes. This is non-transferable, non-cancellable and should be your most important appointment of the week.
2) Tell Everyone You Scheduled It
Tell everyone that you have a very important appointment with yourself. When you explain to them you are taking this, time you might be surprised how encouraging they are. Also, when you warn people ahead of time there is less likely of a chance something will come up last minute.
3) Make a Not-To-Do-List
Sanctimommy time is not for catching up on filing, chores, phone calls or cleaning the garage. This should be something totally fun and rejuvenating. I always recommend making a not-to-do-list before the start of your time. This will make sure you do not ‘accidently’ start a ‘task.’
4) Leave Guilt at the Door
If you decide to schedule in your time, also decide to leave guilt behind. You deserve this, you are awesome! If you are going to feel guilty afterwards then it is almost not worth taking the time at all, because the whole point is for you to relax.
5) Keep it Regular
Ok, so you did it…once. Make sure to do this at least once every two weeks…every week is even better!
Make sure to also do this when you are on vacation and sometimes you might want to trade in some sanctimommy-time for some girl time and make a girls or boys night! Also make sure if you have a busy spouse to help them find their time too.