Carina is a 16 year-old high school student in Grade 11. She is interested in dancing and acting and in her free time enjoys writing stories, or drawing.
Yelling doesn’t work. Politeness does.
Sometimes it just feels good to yell. Like yelling about your anger or frustrations. So of course it feels good to yell when you are angry or in a disagreement with your teenager, but honestly, yelling doesn’t work!
With teens it’s always different. It makes us want to rebel more because we know what triggers your mood swing. And to some obnoxious teens, seeing you get mad is just what they want. If you show us you’re disappointed to make us feel guilty, it works much better.
At my house I know that my dad will pretty much give me anything, and my mom-well let’s just say her favorite word is “no”. So when it comes to asking my mom for something and she starts raising her voice in anger and saying, “No I don’t want you to go,” I already have a back up plan ready. I would be a lifeless doll living in my room for the rest of my life if I always agreed with her answer.
This is when and why we start to lie. That’s right, I said it. Most times I don’t mean to use the L word on my mom, but I feel I have to when she won’t give me a fair answer or even some kind of compromise.
The L word is hated by a lot of people, especially parents since they always want to know what their child is up to. Frankly, you can’t be our friend because we need some discipline, but you can’t be someone to hate either, or else we will never tell you anything and lie about everything.
One word is very important here and it’s the T word, Trust. Once you respect your teen’s wishes and give a logically fair answer instead of yelling and bursting out a big ‘No’, then trust builds and we will in return respect your wishes.
When it comes to asking my dad for things I respect his wishes more. When he says “No,” I know not to push it. It means he really doesn’t want me doing something and because he usually says yes, I know he feels strongly about his opinion. Plus he doesn’t make a fuss about rejecting my question which makes the situation less childish.
In conclusion, (and for lack of bigger words) ‘freaking out’ at your teens when there is a situation like cleaning their rooms, or going out, will not make matters any better. Therefore try explaining your reasoning, rather than releasing your anger through a loud tone of voice. We’ll learn to respect you more, and then trust will build making the relationship healthier.