Girl + Mom = Whole Woman

Mother & Family, The Reuniting Family
Image by Dale Gillard via Flickr

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Follow me on this logic.

-Girls are taught from a young age that ‘getting along’ and coexisting in peace is essential

-Girls, instinctively have a very close bond with their mothers.

-Girls want to maintain this bond and relationship.

-Girls want the best for their moms and themselves.

-What if girls develop the exact opposite qualities of their mom, so that together they make a whole.

I have been thinking about this idea for a while and observing mother daughter pairs I know.  It does not always hold true, in fact I know many moms and daughters who are exactly identical.  In fact, it is usually that they are exact opposites or carbon copies.

There have been many genetic and developmental studies about female babies being taught from a very young age about the importance of harmonious relationships.  Boys, on the other hand, want what they want when they want it and do not have a problem asking for it.

Girl and Girl Doll Play:

“Do you want the blue doll or the pink doll?”
“I am not sure which one do you want?”
“Well, I like the pink one, but if you really want the pink one I can take the blue one.
“I sort of want the pink one, but the blue is OK, too.”
“Are you sure you are ok to play with the blue one?”
“Yes, its ok!”
“Well, how about I take the pink one for the first ten minutes, and then you can have it for the next ten minutes, OK?”
“OK, that’s good!”

Boy and Boy Doll Play:

“Give me the blue doll.”

Well, what if some mother and daughter pairs do this act subconsciously with their qualities and skills.

Mom Daughter Trait Play:

(subconscious of course)

“Mommy can I have computer skills”
“Sure, that is a good idea, I am much better at organizing, so I can do that, will you also try to develop your sense of direction?”
“Yes, as long as you make sure to always bring a map because you are organized, I can get us to new places.  But, if we ask for directions, I am going to let you ask.”
“Ok, I am much more social, make sure that you spend time developing your intrapersonal skills.”
“Yes, I will be much more of a thinker than a talker, sounds good.”

This could also be an evolutionary concept.  If a mom and daughter each delegate the most efficient traits to the best person, they would be able to achieve more together.  They could literally outsource whole traits to one another to save brain space and be the most efficient.  For example, my mother hates to cook (love you mom!) and I love to cook…helpful when I was living at home.

Anyone find evidence of this concept, or are you and your daughters exactly alike?

This post is dedicated to Donna Eshelman because she is one of my role models and has talked to me for years about mother daughter relationships.  Thank you for all of your guidance!

If you like this article, read our other Radical Parenting Articles.  If you are really inspired, think about taking the Radical Parenting Pledge..are you radical enough?

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5 Responses to “Girl + Mom = Whole Woman”

  1. virtual worlds for kids
    April 16, 2009 at 3:15 am #

    this is an interesting story. I’m the only daughter, and i develop the exact opposite qualities of my mom, so it’s very irritating sometimes. but after i read this article, i get a new perspective bout my situation. together we make a whole. that’s the answer, thanks!

  2. Stuffgirlswant
    April 17, 2009 at 4:04 am #

    I have 2 daughters and they both have their own characteristics. But they also have a lot of personality traits that are similar- none of which I possess. After reading this article I now understand why! I guess I can no longer ask them if they were switched at birth!

  3. Vanessa Van Petten
    April 18, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

    Thanks so much

    and, of course, thanks for reading!


  4. Christina Knoell
    September 2, 2009 at 7:12 pm #

    The above post makes so much sense. My husband and I have 2 girls and while they love their father very much, they would rather be mostly around me – sometimes it drives me crazy. I ask them why they don’t hang out with their dad more, and their response was, “because you gave birth to us.” I look forward to maintaining a strong loving relationship with them for the rest of my life.

  5. Vanessa Van Petten
    September 3, 2009 at 7:29 am #

    thank you for this, I loved writing this post!

    Thanks for reading!


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