Teen Break-Ups: 3 Reasons Not to Murder Your Ex [Teen Humor Article]

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Gema is a 17-year old from Miami, FL. She is obsessed with writing and reading young adult fiction and hopes to one day be a published author.

Let’s face it. Whether you are the dumper or dumpee, break ups are hard. Across the world teenagers lie in a pool of shattered hearts and teddy bear stuffing, crying their eyes out. Most of them wallow in their deflated hopes and feel sorry themselves. However, there are select few who manage to rise past self-pity and soar into the clouds of revenge. To these people I must say, please put the knife down. Castration and a symbolic stab in the heart will not be necessary. Saving the rest of the world from your ex’s cruelty may sound like a noble task in your heartbroken insanity, but you run the risk of forcing reality to take the form of a district attorney and create a thin path towards prison for you.

1) Your Freedom:

Put that knife down and listen to me! Whether or not solitary confinement is a form of cruel and unusual punishment, if you’re considered a danger to the rest of inmates in jail, you will be deprived of all human contact. Granted, not all murderers find themselves in solitary confinement but if you manage to end you’re ex’s ability to choose between right and wrong for the rest of his or her life, then you’re probably going to take the same mentality to the pound. Admittedly so, I am no expert in this situation, but I get the feeling that if you walk into prison with a passionate rant about how all cheaters should die, two things may occur:

· You’ll make friends with the inmates convicted of a similar crime

· You’ll make enemies with the inmates convicted of murder due to a jury not believing that they were defending themselves from someone like you

Either way, sides will be taken. Words will be thrown. Punches will flare and somehow, someway-just because the universe is against you- all fingers will be pointed at you. Meanwhile, you could be on the other side of the bars, spreading your arms in your car with the top down (with your seatbelt on, of course) and tasting the whip of free air. You might get light headed, maybe a mild cough thanks to our friend pollution, but it beats having an entire prison ward against you.

2) Your Friendships:

Check the cellphone if you must. At least ten new text messages I assume. Now consider the ties you have going for you. We’re not talking the ties you had to google search to make for your boyfriend of yourself, but the ones that interlaced themselves over a joke about a teacher or a long conversation on a school night. I’m talking about friendships here. It is said that true friendship can survive anything: hurricanes, gossips, even making out with the wrong hot twin beneath the bleachers at a mind-numbing pep rally. But things get tricky when you’re behind bars. The jokes aren’t the same and there are only so many times when “you just had to be there” can be said without it becoming insulting. Slowly, but surely, the friendship will suffer. Is your life-sucking heart wrenching ex worth more than your friends?Because the flipside to this can be the iron hard support you can you have from your friends. I’m talking about a three large pizzas with every topping available, jugs of rocky road ice, ipods full of the corniest break up songs and a shoulder to cry on. Isn’t that worth something?

3) Your Privacy:

Do you realize how lucky it is that you have the privacy of a basement to even attempt to murder your arrogant-but scared-Ex? Privacy is perhaps the most valuable privilege denied to you when you’ve been listed in the dirty page of the law book. If you think the pat-down is uncomfortable, you’ve felt nothing yet. Once in jail, you will be searched in places that you’ve probably never even tried to reach before. Cavity searches [enter queasy shudder here] is the physical counterpart of what occurs in a relationship. When you’re single, your emotions are you own. If you want to keep something to yourself, there’s no need to feel guilty of omission until you feel ready to share it with your friends. However, when you’re in a relationship, there’s the pressure to “share your feeling” and let the partner know everything from what toothpaste brand you’re using to what which embarrassing pajama’s you’re using to go to bed at night. Murdering your annoying ex will hinder your privacy, and if the ex could do it alive, why give the person the option to do it in such an extreme manner in death?

Exes can be as malignant as Al Capone with a busted toe. They can give speeches that are either apathetic or emotional and insulting to your self-esteem. They’ve got the means to tear you down and if they’ve managed to inspire enough hate to help you contemplate the taking away of a life, it means they can most likely use those means. The important thing is to remember that life has not ended because a relationship has. There is a bright side to everything. The most important one is the chance to be free. Countless of wars and ongoing protests have come and gone and are probably still ranging today to ensure freedom and privacy. Must we spit in the faces of our protestors? Must we use their hard work as cheap prison toilet paper? Or can we say thanks, put the knife down and get on with our lives? So is that-wait-oh thank goodness you listened to me and put that knife down. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

Just don’t enjoy your freedom at the movies this weekend, I maybekindasorta have a date with your Ex on Saturday.

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