Embracing Life’s Grey: 5 New Perspectives on Boundaries in Your Life

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I have never heard anyone say that their favorite color is grey, but I think it is the most important color in parenting.

Life Strives for Black and White

Everyone always wants clearly defined boundaries, roles and definitions.  As authors we try to define the specific roles, doctors define strict symptoms, magazines give us five kinds of men, Sex and the City gave us four kinds of women.

But there is no Black and White

There are no real life Samantha’s, in medicine there are always blurred symptoms, and as hard as we try, someone is always going to say they are dating a rock mixed with a teddy bear.

And Then There is Grey

When the black bleeds into the white, or the white rubs off on the black we get grey.  Some say bleak, watered down, not specific, unexciting, but grey is easy to match.  In fact it can do with everything, better than black because it doesn’t show dandruff.

Black and White Are a lot of Pressure

Aren’t you so nervous when you are wearing white pants? How about when you have to pull a tight black shirt on over your newly deodorized pits…a challenge to say the least.  We are not only talking about colors here.  Having to keep specific, defined and unchanging roles in any part of life is nearly impossible!

Your Black is My White

We also have to think about the way others feel about our defined rules, roles and boundaries.  What you or I think is good, might be bad to someone else and this needs to be OK.  Often times, we get frustrated by the fact that ideas are perceived differently without actually thinking about the fact that we might be coming from different backgrounds and perspectives.
Understanding the Grey in Parenting

I often see parents trying to teach and raise kids in black and white.  YouTube is bad, Encyclopedia Britannica is good.  Yet, this is not always true.  There are some great things on YouTube and some inappropriate articles on Encyclopedia Britannica for younger kids.  And kids need to learn to understand the nuances of grey.  I think trying to teach kids in black and white does not serve them in the long run because they need to figure out their own grey scale of what is right, wrong, best for them and better for others.

1) Talk to them about this idea.  I think kids also need to understand that there is not always clear answers to things.  Kids often feel that their parents always know the right answer because theyhave never heard their parents voice their doubt.

2) When you are confused tell them.  They need to hear about your vulnerability so that when they feel scared or uncomfortable they know it is normal.

3) Tell them how you overcame it.  Show them how you figured out your own grey scale and set of what is wrong and right for you so they can see those skils.

4) Explain that everyone’s grey scale is different.  What is right or wrong for their friends, might not be right for them and this is ok!
I hope this article about life’s grey resonates with some of my readers and the metaphors for color make sense for life.

Would welcome additional comments!

Vanessa

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  • Vanessa Van Petten

    I got this submitted to me via email:

    This was good, also add this:

    Some things are black. Some things are not good or right for true or everyone, like never brushing your teeth, going to a party where everyone isw doing something immoral, driving the opposite way on the highway, etc. These are facts.Other facts are formulas (2+2=4), others human formulas if a person is dishonest (goo all the way the range of things a person can do) or malicious most of the time they lack integrity or have a character problem-teachers and leaders shojuld not get away with bieng like this beyond occasional mistakes). the older a child the more complex things can be placed in the category)

    Some things are white. They are ALWAYS good(that you tie your shoes before you walk down the stairs) or right or true (Hitler(and example of lesser leaders that were obviously bad) was a bad govt. leader(give examples). These are also facts.

    Some things are gray-these are opinions, preferences, likes, dislikes, interests, choicesetc. In gray, there is no clear right and good and true vs. wrong and bad, it depends.

    Then you could ask the child, do you think this is a black or white or gray issue? If they figure out it is a black or white then have you have helped them find their own answer. If gray, you could help them weigh pro and cons, goods and bads, etc. to arrive at their own answer.

    Helping them think things thourgh helps them to also develop intellectual honesty-so that they will take responsibility for their decisions. And the black and white part will also help that and help them to form moral devt.-in other words gray could teach kids you can do bad things or bad things happen to tohers and we could negate it by saying it’sot true, etc-then we become shady politicians :)

    And there will be some where it is murky whether something is a black or white or grey issue. Then you just do the best they can.

    Thanks :)

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  • http://www.wiglingtonandwenks.com online games for kids

    another metaphor u use for this article! black , white, and grey, simple but meaningful