Degrees of Facebookability: Why Did You Join (or not)?

So, why did you join Facebook/Twitter/MySpace/LinkedIn? It ain’t just Facebook. I love talking to people about why they join social networks. I have now developed a system for the reasons, and I am so tired of some of these. Excuse my snark, but if you say one of these, here is what I really think:

1) “I-Hate-It-Here”

…but yet you are still here. I love when people rant and rave, “stupid Twitter, what the heck is the point anyway, do I care what people are eating for breakfast! Gosh, so ridiculous what society has come to!” Then I ask, “so do you have one?” And they say, “well, yeah, but I hate it, its really terrible I am only on it because…” (see other reasons below).

2) “My-Friend-Set-It-Up-For-Me”

Sure, sure, sure. I am sure your friend set it up for you and you were so excited that someone finally offered to do it for you and you would have the excuse to say you didn’t want it just in case it really did suck.

3) “I-Do-It-For-Business”

Ok, legit. But, lets be real, you know you e-stalked the hot girl you saw in the copy room. Business and social lines are no longer. The Internet is one big line blender.

4) “I-Never-Check”

But…you could. And I have found that usually these people will go weeks without checking until they need something from it. In fact, they tend to downplay the relevance and importance of social networks in their life. They say “I never check” with an air of, ‘it could be gone tomorrow and I would never notice’. No frickin way. The whole point of social networks is to be ready and waiting as the perfect “when I am bored activity,” or “I just met a really hot person at so-so’s party” way to find them. You never check, but you know you would be upset if you couldn’t check at all. For “I hate it here” and because “I never check” users, you know you would never delete it, as much as you hate it and never check.

5) “I-Am-On-Because-Everyone-Else-Is”

Um, duh. People give me this as a reason they use social networks, as if that excuses their own ‘bad behavior’ for reading twitter on their iPhone. Of course you are on it because everyone else is–what would you do on a social network with no people?! That is the point. You are on it because all of your friends are. Sheesh.

6) “I-Think-I-Have-One-But-I-Don’t-Know-My-Password/Its-too-technical”

It is not that hard. Even if it was that difficult to remember the password you use for EVERY online site, or to create a username, it should not be the reason you are giving me. That just makes you sound lazy. There has to be some teen down the street you can haul into your house to teach you how to type your name and email into a website and upload a picture. Lets get to the truth here. I’d much rather you be honest with me. It’s ok to be afraid of social networks or nervous someone is going to post a mean thing on your wall. Just be honest about your fear and ask for help!

7) “I-Use-It-Because-It-Makes-Me-Sound-Cool”

These are the people who mention 8 times that they manage a group for new media on LinkedIn. We get it, you are awesome, you know how to send high fives online. Please do not use your network to make small talk, we can all now go on Facebook IM and small talk about it if you really want, at least then I can talk on the phone while we do it.

8) Facebook Whores

You know, I am not going to hate on you. You love your networks and get the most out of them. When you bring up your poison (ahem, network) of choice they light up like you are talking about their old puppy. My only plea to you, please calm down on the applications and events. I do not want to be part of the biggest group on Facebook (although I think I am because in a moment of weakness over butter cream ice cream I clicked ‘join’), nor do I want to join your save rainbow socks app, think before you click.

Then there are the average people who go on every few days, select a few friends and poke a few strangers. Once you have gotten over the excuses above and come to accept that social networks are just a part of life, I want to welcome you to the world of online normalcy. Friend me.

This post is dedicated to David Bickham, who is doing amazing online research into the world of online relaitonships, you rock!

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