I’m Coming Out [Teen Article]

  • Vanessa’s Note: This is from one of our teen writers who has been brave enough to come out on the blog.  I hope that our community can show him kindness and support in this new time.

Justin is a 16 year-old from New Orleans.  He loves writing and playing guitar with his friends.

My real name is not Justin.  I use it to write for the Radical Parenting blog.  Only my parents know my pen name on this blog and this note is to them.  I am not ready yet to come out to my friends, but feel this is the first step.  Vanessa tried to convince me to come out to them in person.  But, writing is my element.  Writing is my life and I am far more eloquent pen to paper, keys to screen.  Plus, I do not know if I could tell them to their faces.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you look forward to my posts on here every week.  I wrote about teen suicide and the best teen music.  This post is a little different.  I am sure you think that there must be another Justin on here.  But, Vanessa tells me I am the only one.  Just in case you still don’t want to believe it, mom used to make me peanut butter and rice crispies sandwiches.

I am your son and I am gay.

I know this is hard to hear.

I know you must be scared, but I promise you are not more scared than me.

I am sure your mind is racing through all of the questions that I have had for years swimming in my brain before I sleep at night, on the way to semi-formal with Maggie, when you talk about your future grandchildren and when I wonder why I don’t want to kiss a girl.

Why me?

Is this normal?

Will it pass?

Maybe I could like a girl if I tried harder?

Will I still be able to have children?

Will I be able to get married?

Will people hate me?

Will people still like me?

Will I find my soulmate?

Will I be able to tell my friends?

Why am I ashamed?

I only know the answers to a few of these questions.

I don’t know why me, but it must be to give me courage to stand up for what I believe in.

I think it is normal because I came from you, both of my loving parents and am a good person.

It will not pass.

I don’t think you should ever try hard to like someone.  I love my girl friends, but they are and always will be just friends.

Mom, I know you are worried you will now never have grandkids.  I do not know for sure, but I think I want kids one day and adoption is an option.  Maybe even a better one?

One day I hope I will find someone who loves me just as much as you both do and they will walk down the aisle with me.  I cannot promise that he will be wearing a dress, in fact I hope not, but I do promise I will marry the right person, but he will be a man.

People might hate me, I hope it will not be you.

If people do not like me because I am gay, then I do not want them in my life anyways.

I hope I find my soulmate.  I have to think, at least now I have narrowed it down to one sex, perhaps my chances will be better. (Dad, that was a joke in your spirit of humor, I hope you can still see it)

One day I will have the courage to tell my friends.

Starting with you, helps me feel less ashamed.

Thank you for all that you have done for me.  Accepting my homosexuality has made me happier and more secure and I hope that you can accept who I am.

I am gay and I love you.


4 Responses to “I’m Coming Out [Teen Article]”

  1. grace
    September 25, 2009 at 9:12 am #

    Congratulations on having the courage to write this letter. Whatever the outcome it’s worth it to be true to yourself.

  2. Bb
    September 25, 2009 at 12:54 pm #

    Justin, you’re awesome. You’re smart, funny, and seem to have a tremendous perspective for someone so young. Your parents are lucky to have you as a son. Wishing you luck and love.

  3. Lorrie
    September 25, 2009 at 4:52 pm #

    A powerful post! Well done ‘justin’. In an imperfect world the notion of ‘coming out’ means that some will stay in, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Many of the youth that I know in my teen’s circle of friends will never come out, because they were never ‘in’. They grew up in homes, like ours, where gender and sexual orientation are recognized as being separate things. Our kids have aunts who are married (to each other) and have a beautiful daughter. Our children grew up not knowing that gay marriage was until recently illegal–they thought that any two people who love each other and want to be life mates can marry. This is all we hope for our children and youth like you. Be free to be who you are without reservation about public or familial opinion. You sound like a strong and wonderful person! I am sure that your loving family will see that you are you and they have always loved you and will continue to do so, love not hinging on gender, or orientation.

    all the best you you on your life’s journey.

  4. Sierah
    October 15, 2009 at 11:05 am #

    Dear Justin, I freakin love your letter! Good job coming outt !!!

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