Advice for Teen Girls Column: How to Fit In

Melissa is a 15-year old from Rochester, NY. She enjoys volunteering and singing. Her favorite subject is English language arts because she wants to be a journalist. Melissa is one of our teen writers and also has her own fabulous advice site for teen girls at:, see more advice for girls at her site!
Advice for Teen Girls Column: How to fit in
I feel like everybody has their own group of friends and no matter what I do I can’t seem to fit in with them.

Fitting in at school- a tough problem for many teens. What helps is if you are in a group of friends that have been together for some time. Consider yourself lucky if you stay with the same group of friends throughout high school. The majority of teens, however, enter the school year feeling just like you. Over time, you see that friendships form for others except for you. It may seem that way, but all that you have to do is start looking a little deeper.

There are always those groups of friends that we can’t help but be jealous about. They sit by the lockers, filling up the whole entire hallway and you always wonder how awesome it would be to be in that group! Or maybe it’s just the small group of friends that have been in your classes over the years, and you can’t help hearing their inside jokes and the fun they have.

As great as it would be to be in certain groups of friends, sometimes it’s just better to have one or two close friends. A small group could eventually grow from these relationships. These types of friends will like you for who you are, and you won’t have to change yourself in any way for them. Friends that are acquired through the wrong ways are just so pointless to even have.

If you start paying more close attention to each individual, or maybe the quiet one in class you never really thought about, you’ll begin to discover others just like you. Reach out to these people. Who knows what can happen, maybe an awesome friendship will blossom! And even if not, it’s still great to have a friend and you learn from everyone you meet.

But, hey, it wouldn’t hurt to try to be in a group! But only if you do it the right way. Be yourself, and loosen up. Do your neighborhood friends know you as the funny girl? Or maybe you’re known as the shy but sweet girl. Every teen has something special about them. But the first step is always the hardest.

Here’s a scenario: You’re sitting in English class, and there’s a group of friends surrounding where you’re sitting. You happen to overhear them talking about something, like the history teacher’s new hair cut. You want to say something but are kind of nervous. Just relax, and pretend like you’ve been their best friend for years. You say, “Ha-ha, did you see his shirt? Um I think the 1950’s want their shirt back.”

The ones that you actually want to be friends with will include you, and will think, ‘hey, this girl seems really nice.’ Unfortunately, there are those that aren’t so open to befriend you. If you find yourself getting nowhere with these girls, that’s completely okay. There are plenty of other opportunities out there. Expand your horizon!

But don’t limit yourself to school alone. Join a sport, a club, or it could be completely outside of school like volunteering. If you try different things, chances are you’ll probably meet some really interesting people. Do what you like to do, and the other people will respect you for that.

If you’ve tried and tried and believe there is nothing you can do to fit in, don’t give up just yet. Talk to someone like a counselor, a cousin, siblings, or even parents. Maybe you don’t have the right tactic to making new friends– for example, gossiping about others to try and fit in. This only creates more problems for you, as potential friends will not trust you.

Don’t worry though, because all’s it takes is a smile and a positive attitude to change things. Remember, a positive attitude brings a positive outcome! ☺

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2 Responses to “Advice for Teen Girls Column: How to Fit In”

  1. Fun & Fact
    November 10, 2009 at 7:27 pm #

    Good stuff here. Will definately be useful for me so I will have to sign up and see what I can get to help me. Thank for this.

  2. Vanessa Van Petten
    November 11, 2009 at 10:26 pm #

    you are welcome, thank you for reading!


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