Cutting has been around a long time and it seems to be a topic no one talks about, but everyone knows exists. I get about 5 to 10 emails per week specifically about self-mutilation. Cutting, bruising, puncturing or pulling out hair or eyelashes—these are all forms of self-mutilation.
If you have thought about cutting or are worried about someone in your life who might be, here are a few ideas to think about. After speaking with a couple of therapists, former cutters and teen interns, here are a list of topics I wanted to mention.
What to Know About Teens and Cutting or Self-Mutilation
1) The Pain Brings Relief
There are many reasons that people self-mutilate, one is that cutters and self-mutilators often express the feeling of relief once they hurt themselves and they feel pain. They have so much emotional pain that somehow the physical pain feels good, like a pressure gauge opening or numbing cream to the internal pain.
2) Someone Might See
Another reason that therapists point to for self mutilation is a cry for attention. Some cutters put their marks or scars in a location on their body that might be seen by someone, and this is their way of asking for help with their internal crisis.
3) Cry for Attention
There is a cry for help and a cry for attention. One of the many issues that teens brought up while talking about this issue is that they feel friends of girls surface cut themselves “just to get attention” and it is not really dangerous. This may or may not be true but I think it is ESSENTIAL to point out, whether or not they are doing it as a cry for help or for attention something is wrong. If they need attention that badly then they do need help whether the cutting brings physical relief or not.
4) Not always a suicide attempt, but accidents happen
Many teens report knowing many friends who cut themselves occasionally, but do not seem to worried about it because ‘they are not doing it seriously.’ I think that self-mutilation is a serious issue and mistakes, cuts to deep, infection and not to mention the psychological damage it can do means it is serious.
5) Control
Often times, therapists point out that cutting can be used as a way to express emotions and keep control over what they feel like are uncontrollable emotions or life surroundings.
Most importantly, everyone should take cutting seriously and confront the issue directly. It should be brought to a school counselor, therapist or parent as soon as possible.
Hi Vanessa,
Great post. In yesterday’s session at the FOSI conference in DC, danah boyd shared her insights into cutting and other forms of self-harm such as anorexia. Her research finds these concerns are tied to issues of control and often found in homes with higher socio-economic status. So you start to envision the child with every possible opportunity, but also elevated expectations and responsibilities who feels overwhelmed and out of control for their life.
Thoughts?
Cheers, Marian
hi im worried for my 13yr old girl she is the youngest of 4 she is cutting her self when she gets stressed out. she says she dosent know how she got these cuts ?but i know she is doing this i found a knife in her room.this week for instance i wont let her talk to an 18yr old asian boy on line she thinks shes in love and sees no problem with this and she had a major breakdown saying she dosent want to live and new cuts have appered what can i do and were do i get help ? a worried mother.
You should talk to your school counselor about seeing a therapist or going to a treatment center before she really hurts herself!
Dear Vanessa,
My entire family has suffered from emotional illnesses (mom, dad, brothers and myslef) from depression to anxiety to bi-polar disorder, we are all adults and are doing quite well and very successful with the treatment we have received; my concern now is my 14 year old daughter.
She began cutting herself since last August and while we are seeing a therapist and a psychiatryst, she has a couple of friends who are doing the same and has formed a bond I do not seem to be able to break. One of them has lived in foster homes and was raped in the past (and made the comment that she liked it). On top of the cutting, this girl is now making sexual advances towards my daughter, who is not able to handle this while she is emotionally unstable and I am ready to show up at school and tell these friends to stay away from my daughter, the truth is I am not sure how to handle this.
I will be reaching out to her doctor to check on the medicine dosis and also speak with her therapist, is there anything else I can do to stop this? I feel so out of control with this situation.
Help!!! Extremely worried and concerned Mom.
Claudia
Thanks for reaching out. I think this is a very serious issue. From the girls we hear from who are cutters, the best thing parents can do is stay non-judgmental and get doctor support if there is something chemical going on. Going to the doctor is really great. I am sure you feel so out of control! It will get better, there are many fully recovered cutters who have great relationships with their families.
Best,
Vanessa
Vanessa,
Thank you very much for your reassuring words that things will be okay.
Claudia