Heartbroken- Why it is unhealthy to be friends with your ex.

Melissa is a 16 year old from Valley Stream, New York. She is currently writing a teen romance novel, she hopes will be published before she is out of high school.

Unfortunately somewhere along the line, you or someone you know has experienced a broken heart. I can personally say that this is thebroken_heart by rhythm302. most melancholy and hated feeling I have ever felt in my sixteen years of living. I cannot fathom how much hurt and pain you feel after a break up. I cannot believe that someone is capable of hurting someone like this. This past summer I had my first taste of real teenage heartbreak; it was by far the worst feeling in the world.

            Instead of looking forward to the approaching school year, and enjoying my last days of summer, I was dwelling on the guy that broke my heart. Break ups can be hard and I know that most of us want to unleash our anger on the one who hurt us, but that will only prolong our healing process. I, for instance, nicknamed the person who hurt me as “Guy Who I Hate.” Although it was immature, bashing him made me feel good. I would constantly bash and talk about him to my cousin Mona. I am so grateful that I had her there for me to listen to my thoughts and help me in this. Even though it was fun bashing him, now I try not to think of him at all, which is a much healthier thing to do than calling him mean and provocative things.

Although it took me a while to get over him, I did and now I feel like I am a reenergized teenager. Being hung up on the person that broke up with you is very UNHEALTHY. Living in the past is not going to get you anywhere, but stuck in the same old circle. Whenever one of my friend’s tells me that they are friends with their ex’s, I cannot believe it, especially if it was the other person that did the breaking up. An ex boyfriend or girlfriend can be equivocal figures. When my ex boyfriend texts me, I still get this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think many teens mistake casual texts like “Hey, what’s up?” from their ex to be something much more. This fallacy can lead to “rekindled” feelings for an ex, especially if the relationship did not last for the length of time that you wanted, there can still be this longing of hope inside you for the one that broke your heart.

            I’m not saying every teen still has feelings for their ex, and should not be friends with them, but the majority of the people that I know get these “butterflies,” when they speak to the person that broke up with them. There is still going to be that longing feeling for him or her because you guys could have explored the relationship further, but did not get the chance. Instead of wasting time speaking or texting your ex, engage in activities with friends such as ice skating, bowling, jogging, or just going out for ice cream. Ex boyfriends, especially, have a way to make a girl feel wanted and expect them to easily crawl back to them. Sharing my view on why you should not be friends with an ex is very therapeutic for me because it helps to talk about hard times in your life, and helps in the healing process. If there are teens out there that are best friends with their ex’s, I applaud them for that, especially if their ex has a new significant other. However, many teens out there that start talking to their ex again, when their ex has a new significant other, believe that ignited feelings will surface, and their ex will come back to them. In reality, that is not the case, and being friends with an ex will erupt thoughts like these that will mess with your mind. “Leave the past behind and move on;” Even though it sounds hard to do, it really is that simple. It just takes time. Eventually, you will find someone new.

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