Bullying From the Bully’s Perspective

“No, no way.  Alyssa better not be in first place.  I am always first in track.  I hate her, she is such a stuck up little brat.”

“Why are the other guys looking at Alyssa?  She always gets all of the attention.  Everyone likes her more.  Why can’t I be more like her.  I hate her.”

“What if Alyssa does better at me in track, and then no one thinks I am good at track anymore. I am going to make Alyssa’s life miserable so she cannot be good at track.”

“If I make fun of Alyssa in front of everyone and spread some rumors about her, people will not like her so much.”

What does this look like to Alyssa? For Alyssa, this bully is mean to her, spreads rumors behinds her back and sabotages her efforts in class and on the track team.  But, where does this come from?

It is important for teens and youth to keep this in mind if they have been bullied…

Most bullies:

1)   Are Very Scared

When I talk to bullies, many of them come from a place of fear.  They are afraid of being unpopular, uncool, or afraid of you in some way.  It can help to try to identify what the bully is afraid of as pertaining to you.  Do they feel threatened by your success, looks, boyfriend/girlfriend, emotional security? Once you determine what is making them act that way towards you it can be easier to diffuse it.

2)   Are Very Insecure

Many bullies, bully to make themselves feel better.  They pick on people often who are more secure, because by bringing them down, it makes bully feel better.

3)   Have Their Own Bullies

I know its hard to believe, but many bullies have their own bullies or people who have teased, made fun of or tormented them.

4)   Bully to Not Be Bullied

Bullies have said to me that they would rather bully, than be bullied.  They feel that in order to make sure no one makes fun of them, or to inspire fear, others will not gossip or attack them.

It is never ok to forgive someone for treating you badly, but keeping these aspects of a bully’s side in mind, you can help stop the motives of the bully and understand where they are coming from.

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2 Responses to “Bullying From the Bully’s Perspective”

  1. Kerry Ellington
    February 25, 2010 at 2:12 pm #

    Excellent post about Bullying. It’s important for us not only as moms but as human beings to try to understand both sides of the spectrum when it comes to bullying so we can tackle the underlying issues of why it’s a problem in the first place so we can work on getting it resolved before anyone gets hurt.

    Thanks for this post. :)

  2. Katie
    March 4, 2010 at 3:38 pm #

    It’s a good article, but “It is never ok to forgive someone for treating you badly” scares me. It is okay to forgive, and it’s needed in most situations. The world cannot properly function without forgiveness, and it’s dysfunctional enough as it is.

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