Dana is a 15 year old from Hi-nella, NJ. She loves to write and enjoys reading, singing, and shopping. Her goal is to help others through her writing, and bring attention to important topics.
When your kids were little, and a scary movie was playing, you never took them to see it because it would give them nightmares. You never let them ride their bike without a helmet and kneepads on. You never gave them sugary foods after a certain time because you knew they would be up all night and be tired in the morning. You’ve always taken care of your kids and did what was best for them by not allowing certain things. When their young it’s easy just to restrict something that’s potentially harmful in any way, shape or form. That’s the reason I believe it to be a major struggle for parents when their kids are teenagers; I mean, they are young adults now. You can’t stop them from seeing a scary movie, eating junk, riding a bike without kneepads, etc. The bottom line is, you can’t keep your kids little forever, or, for that matter, stop a little corruption from the world outside your door. Especially when it comes to the music we teenagers listen to.
Like every teenager, my life tends to revolve around my family, friends, and music, of course. Every time I have some extra cash you can bet I’m on iTunes. My iPod is constantly playing in my ears and I’m always downloading new songs and music videos. It never really hit me, though, how a lot of the songs I listen to influence me, or my thinking, rather. I may have underestimated their ability to cloud my judgment at times. Although I am a music advocate myself, I know that the messages some songs send out aren’t always right. I also know that I’m lucky enough to realize that; not all teenagers do.
You’re probably wondering what the attraction of abusive relationships is to some teenagers. The way the songs and movies portray them is that the love the two people share is so passionate it hurts– I’m not kidding, really hurts. If you ever really listen to lyrics there’s one line in a song that I could see drawing teens in to that kind of relationship; “It’s so insane, cause when it’s going good, it’s going great. I’m Superman with the wind at his back, she’s Lois Lane. But when it’s bad it’s awful.” The best way I can explain it, is it may make some kids have a false perception that in an abusive relationship, you’re getting the very best side of the person your with most of the time, but paying the price by having the very worst side of them only sometimes.
There is a song called “I love the way you lie”. The song talks about the emotion and all the feelings that usually ping pong back and forth in abusive relationships. Honestly, I’d be lying to you if I told you that I didn’t love this song and listen to it on repeat. Although I adore the song, some of the lyrics can make you wince at their brutality. Although I get wrapped up in the rhythm myself, I’m still clear on what the song is saying to people in my age group. I don’t think you can fully understand how though without further explanation, so, here it goes.
When teens put in their headphones and blast a song, it’s like they are making their sweet escape from whatever is going on in their life. They sit calm and are slowly drifted into the world of music and empowerment, a world where they have control. I love the song “I love the way you lie”, but each lyric comes bolting at you carrying such momentum and persuasion, convincing you that the reason there hurting each other so bad in the song, is because they love each other so much; and in that moment, and only for a split second, some are jealous. Some want to understand such an intense, passionate, crazy, unstable love. Then the earphones are taken out, and people are snapped back to reality, and absolutely mortified at the thought of desiring such a form of “love”. Basically what I’m saying is sometimes songs like these unintentionally glamorize abusive relationships.
Let me make this clear: I am definitely not recommending charging into your child’s room and raiding their iTunes library. I just want teenagers to be aware that despite the media’s fabulous job of promoting them, abusive relationships are not cool! They are not fun, wild, or worth your time or life on any level. Abusive relationships are dangerous. Letting your significant other smack you around can quickly lead to your body being discovered on channel 10. Sorry for that gruesome image, but it’s just reality. Listen teens, don’t be weak and melt like butter on toast when the person who laid hands on you comes apologizing. When someone enjoys paining you, or does it at all, it’s time to walk away. Once you’ve put your hands on each other, it’s not love anymore. You may be staying with the person your with because they’re more of a safety net for you, which is ironic because nothing about them is safe. If you have teenager in an abusive relationship, or are a teenager in an abusive relationship, I hope this article helps and please get out while you can. You can also visit a helpful website I found specializing on this topic, go to loveisrespect.org for some helpful info and support.