A Life Without “Daddy”

Deja is a 13-year old who loves to swim and write. She wants to become a Psychologist to help troubled teens.

63% Of youth suicides are from a fatherless home

90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders are from a fatherless home.

80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes.

71%  of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes

70% of Juveniles in state operated institutions came from fatherless homes.

85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes.



As seen above, you realize how effected teens get when they don’t grow up with their father. Growing up with fatherly figures does not substitute your true father. Take it from me. I grew up not knowing my Dad. I was raised by my grandfather and then a Step Father. It’s not the same. I still to this day do not know my dad. Moms, sometime you don’t realize how it affects your kids. You understand it’s hard, but when they do something completely out of character you can’t understand why they did this. This is going to tell you the view of everything from a kid’s perspective.


From a Girls Perspective: I wasn’t raised by my mother or father as a kid. I was raised by my grandparents, who I referred to as mom and dad until I was 9 or 10. It didn’t really affect me not having a dad because I was never told about him. I only knew my mother. Not knowing her affected me more at the time. When I moved in with my mom at 11, I then realized that my dad didn’t want to be in my life by choice. Now, that hits a kid hard. But, I didn’t let it really bother me. I just went along with life. My step dad and I became really close but I knew he was not my father. I knew my father was never going to be there for me and it was something that did get me depressed. See, girls tend to either wear their heart on their sleeve or keep it all inside them till they burst. That is what I have recently been doing. My mom can’t understand why I rebel or why I have an attitude when it comes to Family Time. It’s hard to have family time when you don’t have your parents there. Teens, this is for you. I understand that you think that your mom doesn’t know how I feel about how just because you have a fatherly figure in your life doesn’t mean that he is your dad. But a dad is someone who loves and cares for you someone who would die for you because you are their daughter. Love is something that doesn’t have to be genetic. It doesn’t take genes to be able to love someone like they are your own.


From a Boys Perspective: Now I am no boy. And I don’t have the hormones and feelings boys have when it comes to family stuff. But I know how it is to not have the support of that one person who is supposed to push you through everything. Guys, when you think of growing up, Dad was supposed to be that one who you went a played ball with, went fishing with, heard those old “When I was in high school” stories sitting around the dinner table. But when you wake up from the daydream you know that he isn’t here. Whether he left when you were too young to remember or whether he left a year ago, in your mind, he still left. Moms, boys are supposed to have that role model in their life, someone to live up to, and when they are young it usually is dad. Dad is the one who is cool, and the person they want to be able to grow up too be. But “Dad” sets such a bad example by leaving, or whatever the case is. Why would they want to be like that? Knowing that, angers them. It angers all of us.  Moms, you raise your kids as best as you can; I personally see that everyday by my mom. So when you can’t understand why we rebel and get angry at you for the littlest or stupidest things remember that it’s not at you. I know my friends and people from my church (boys and men) who grew up without fathers who have turned out to be amazing people. But it wasn’t easy for them. Guys tend to take it harder than girls do. It’s your job to make them know that even though it’s not their biological dad, or maybe it’s just going to you and him, that they know love is not genetics.


Girls, a father plays a big important role in your life and it will always be heartbreaking to know that the man who should have been there for you isn’t and wasn’t…but that doesn’t mean you want to end up like the kids that were in the examples in the beginning. That isn’t the life you want for yourself. Guys, dad may not have been the correct role model for you but I know, Mom knows, and You know that you don’t want to become what your dad was, and only you decide what road your going to take.


Love is not genetic…it doesn’t come through blood. It comes from the heart.

Photo: Rachel Blum-Jose

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3 Responses to “A Life Without “Daddy””

  1. Billeen Carlson
    July 8, 2011 at 8:40 am #

    As a mother who lost custody of her 3-year-old daughter to an abusive drug addicted alcoholic and had to fight for 7 years to get that custody back (I now have sole physical and legal custody), I would caution readers of the above statistics to ask the following questions:

    1. What are comparable statistics for MOTHERLESS children?
    2. What percentage of those children in fatherless homes had more than one trusted adult (blood relation or not) in their lives?
    3. What defines a father?

    So many times I hear the lack of having a “father” being blamed for risky behavior, poor grades and bad attitudes among children and teens. I wonder if children who were conceived via artificial insemination feel the lack of their sperm donor in their lives as keenly. It is easy to glom on to the ideas of abandonment and feel the stigma of being a “fatherless” child. I caution everyone to look beyond those social stereotypes to the truth.

    Having a “father” in the home does not magically provide financial support, structure, safety and stability which are at the heart of what these teens seem to be lacking. In my daughter’s experience, having her father around UNDERMINED all of those things. I would encourage all parents and teens to explore the following website and consider the “assets” described. http://alaskaice.org/

    It is wonderful that adolescents are expressing what they are thinking and feeling in this manner. It opens up lines of communication between generations and that can only be a good thing. As an adult and a mother and a woman who survived abuse I urge you to understand that mothers are people who deserve love, safety and a chance at a decent future, just like adolescents. Do not obligate us to be victims for the sake of a dangerous and outdated social paradigm.

  2. Julia Adams
    July 9, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    I understand where Ms Carlson is coming from and I don’t think the writer meant having a father no matter what even if he’s a deadbeat or abuser. I disagree with referring to having a loving mother and father in your life as an outdated social paradigm. It doesn’t work out that way for half of the children in this country and most are doing a good job of raising a healthy family despite the challenges of single or separate parenthood. Even though it’s not always possible, having a supportive, emotionally healthy family life with a mother and father is still an ideal worth striving for and encouraging in our society.

  3. skiblu
    July 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    what about when the father dies? My husband passed away 3 yrs ago. my girls were 16 and 9. It was hard adjusting, still is sometimes. My now 13 yr old is having attitude issues and I’m worried. Is this normal teen stuff or due to the loss of her dad? She was in therapy for awhile.

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