A writer, hopeless romantic, and lover of all foods, Kimberlie is a seventeen year old living in Arizona. Her mind consists of a million chambers always pondering the what’s and why’s of life, and she considers herself anything but simple. She loves having long conversations with friends over the goodness that is a cup of chai tea latte.
You may have clicked on this article because you are anticipating my rant of how lonely I am and all I need is love, and maybe you think that’s funny. And you might be imagining me with three legs and two noses or something with a wart on my chin.
Or maybe you clicked on it because you are experiencing the same thing. You’re in high school, and whether you’re a freshman, sophomore, junior, or senior, you are significant other-less and always have been.
Well, I hate to disappoint, but I have all the right number of body parts, and if you’re the latter, than empathy is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?
Yes, that’s me in that picture you clicked there—standing road-side with half of my heart, waiting for some knight in shining armor to drive by and blow me away.
Any takers? None? No, really?
Being single ain’t all that bad. No anniversaries to worry about, no date night to dread, no one to call you “pookie” or “honeybear”. Who wants that anyways, right?
But enough with the nonsense, enough with the jokes; I’m here to teach you something.
Being single through high school has made me like wallpaper, and I say that in the least self-demeaning way possible, but I am the observer of all things love and relationships. I am that girl you almost run over while you tongue wrestle your girlfriend in the hallway, I am that girl who listens to you jabber loudly about your date with so-and-so last weekend, I am that girl who sees you wearing sweat pants and panda eyes as you grieve over the end of your two-month relationship with “the one”, I am that girl who helps you decipher his texts to the very last letter, I am that girl that sees all. And through it all, I’ve learned many, many things. However, before I bestow you with my bountiful knowledge, let me remind you that there are exceptions to every rule, and any statistic I throw out there is probably wrong, but used for emphasis, so just go with it.
Firstly, ninety percent of the time, singleness is a self-inflicting state.
In other words, it’s your own fault.
Yes, I’m talking to you, guy who says he’s too busy to date, or girl who says that no guy is worth her time because they are all chauvinist pigs, tools, jerks, etc.
They are excuses. Excuses, excuses, excuses. And the real stupid thing is, people think your excuses and rejections are some form of egotism. And that you’re some cold-hearted bitch because you can’t seem to go out with that perfectly decent guy.
Now I must point out to avoid all hypocrisy here by saying that I am the queen of all this. But truthfully, the excuses derive from nothing of that sort. Do you want to know the real reason?
We’re scared of feeling vulnerable, and placing our feelings on a silver platter for someone else to take or throw on the floor. We’re afraid of wanting something or believing in something that can’t be ours or just disappoints us.
In the end, you know offers have been made, interest has been expressed, and people have taken a chance on you. And you can sit here and whine and complain about being single, but nothing will change unless you reciprocate that, and build a bridge to get over your fears. I’ve learned that fear is one of the greatest enemies in love and relationships. It gets in the way of potentially great things. And as Pat Benatar once sang, “love is a battlefield”.
Through my single years, I’ve also learned that once you’ve been officially snatched up, and you’ve gotten a taste, THERE IS NO GOING BACK.
I’ve witness countless friends experience their first relationships, and when that relationship comes to a mighty end, nothing is ever the same again. They all undergo this identical change. There’s a confidence that’s gained, but it’s paired so inconveniently with a sense of never-ending nostalgia, and lingering feeling of loneliness. And for most people, I don’t think it ever really goes away. Once you experienced that feeling of happiness, you can’t help but wonder when exactly that is going to happen again. It’s a brilliant reflection of humanity’s rebound rate, which unfortunately, sucks. So if you’re sick and tired of the irritating thoughts of “WHY AM I SINGLE?!!?” that just floats around in your brain, I guess you can consider yourself lucky because the way I see it, “I NEED TO BE IN A RELATIOSHIP! THIS REMINDS ME OF HER…I MISS HIM…REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO…” is just so much more depressing. So take my advice, if you’re not ready to dive in those waters, don’t. Seriously. I’ve had one too many friends zone out in class on that one person…four months after the breakup…
Now for the positive.
Let’s all just pretend for a second I’m Beyonce—fierceness and all. And I’m going to tell “all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, now put your hands up!”
Fellas, you too—put your hands up too! Go celebrate your singleness by going out with your bros, go do some manly things, go rub some dirt in your wounds and growl like the men you are.
I’ve learned that I don’t need a guy to be happy, for now. I swear I refuse to be one of those cat ladies, but for now, I’m okay. Sure there’s a void, and sometimes I wish I had someone to call mine, but it’s not a deep, endless pit of sorrow and tears, I promise. And I’m not just saying that so you won’t feel sorry for me. There really is just so much more in life to be happy about. I guess my main point is that through my single years, I learned that I get to focus on myself. I get to grow to be the kind of person I want to be without having to think of someone else, and molding myself to whatever I think may please them. And whenever I do find someone, I will know that they like me for the person I am, and that person is the kind of person I want and chose to be.
So fear not, my fellow single guys and gals, because if there something else I learned about being single in high school, it’s that there’s life after it.