Dear Mom: A Letter From My Younger Self

mother daughter, teen bullying, mean girls, social anxiety, teen depression, high schoolDaniela is a 16 year old from Miami, Florida. She enjoys helping others, writing, and shopping.  Her favorite subject is psychology and one day hopes to become a doctor.

Dear Mom,

I can’t handle my life any longer. I know that I look fine on the outside but there is something that I can’t hold in the depths of my heart any longer. Behind these brown eyes lies a little girl who is full of pain. A little girl who is scared of everything around her. A little girl that was forced to grow up at a rapid pace. A little girl who is just lost.

There is a reason why I hate school. There is a reason why I get up in the morning and beg you to let me stay home from school. There is a reason why I don’t hang out with my old friends that you were so used to.  I am being indirectly bullied by those very people that used to be so close to me. No, no one is stealing my lunch money or pushing me down the stairs of my small middle school.  But those girls are mean to me. They isolated every one from me. They told everyone lies about me and now those rumors are becoming greater. They call me names, they tell people not to be my friend. They give me dirty looks. They write mean things about me on social networking sites. I dread the thought of having to go to school every day. Getting up in the morning and having to get on the school bus to go to a place where I feel that I am not wanted and don’t fit in is causing me greater problems.

I go to sleep every day wishing that I just didn’t wake up so that I can avoid facing the problems of the next day. The girls at my school are so mean. I don’t understand why I deserve such a thing. The reason why I weep in my room all day without coming out for hours is because I don’t want to face my life anymore. Not only am I clincially depressed but I am suicidal. I know you don’t understand this. I know you don’t understand how it feels to be intimated and feel hated by everyone for 8 hours of the day. You sent me to the most competetive school in our city. The school that you brag to all your friends about me being accepted to. But I’m terrified. I don’t feel like I belong, and it brought me into this big dark whole. I know you suspect that something is wrong with me but the only way I could tell you is with this letter. I will never swallow my pride and tell you what is wrong with me.

You’ve noticed that I used to be so happy and now I’m not. You ask me whats wrong everyday and I just paint a smile on my face and say that I’m tired. This has been one of the worst years of my life. How  can people be so cruel? I feel trapped within myself. I don’t know what I have done to deserve to be treated this way. Due to all the bullying, I have developed mild Social Anxiety. I tried talking to my school counselors about this issue but they didn’t understand. No one will ever understand what I had to go through. I need help. I need to find a way out.

Why didn’t you take me seriously when I told you I ws miserable at school? It’s not because I’m a lazy brat. It’s much deeper than that. Everything is so hard. You guys just make it harder on me. Your divorce makes me have to be more indepenedent at an age where I should haven’t to be so independent. All I want to feel loved. I want to feel cared for and appreciated. Do I not deserve that? I know why two jobs, it’s hard to focus all your time on me. I appreciate the fact that you come from work and make dinner for me. But then you just leave me by myself. I’m always alone. I don’t to be alone any longer. There’s day when I just don’t want to hear myself breathe any longer. I need help, find me help. I need a way out.

I love you so much and I know you love me too.

 

Please help me,

Your 13-year old daughter Daniela

 

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