Dana is a 16 year old from Hi-nella, NJ. She loves to write and enjoys reading, singing, and shopping. Her goal is to help others through her writing, and bring attention to important topics.
When you are a parent, you want nothing more than to have a good relationship with your kids. You want this good relationship in every stage of their life; from teething rings and my little ponies, to mood swings and loud music. Even if you don’t always see eye to eye with your kids, you would never want anyone or anything to come between the bond you share. What’s happens though when that bond is broken? When something so serious in the eyes of one of you, totally shatters that bond and everything you’ve shared, how do you repair the fractured relationship between you and your child?
Number one, if you as a parent has done something that you know wasn’t the best idea, own up to it! Do not simply avoid the issue or worse justify it. Weather it may be something minor that was unacceptable or uncalled for such as not believing your child when they were telling the truth; or something serious like years of not being the best parent you can, just admit your faults and express how sorry you are to your child. I know it is never a good idea to really blame someone totally, but if it is indeed that you are the one responsible for the fractured relationship with your teen than coming clean always helps. I am a teenager and I know if someone does something unjustifiable in my eyes I am always willing to at least try to resolve the problem if the other person owns up to their wrong doing. I am not telling you to take total blame for whatever issues are going on that caused the break in your relationship because sometimes it is both parties at fault. Although, if you are the one that the finger is rightfully pointed on, just own up to it.
Number two, don’t bring up the past! Look we are human beings, we all make mistakes. In order to get past those mistakes though you cannot bring them up every time you and your child get in a tiff! Same goes for them! For example, if you are having an argument because you’re not letting your son or daughter go out for the night that doesn’t mean it’s ok to shout “oh well remember that one time you drank when you went out, so no!” It’s ok to be smart about what your child does, but don’t bring up any old reconciled issues and sever them open again. It is uncalled for and is a perfect example of why parents and teens are constantly at each other’s throat fighting about absolutely nothing. A lot of people like to say “I forgive, but I never forget”. Well its okay not to forget, but you don’t have to bring it up every 5 seconds or simply just to win an argument. I’ll share with you a truthful piece of insight my mother always tells me; when you’re fighting with your kids, no one wins.
Number three, seek extra help if needed! Some relationships need a bit more of push on to the road of repair than those helpful tips listed above can provide. If that is the case, seek counseling and outside help. There is no shame in it. A lot of parents feel that putting their children or themselves in counseling is like admitting they screwed up. Well, it’s not! It is admitting that you love your children and just want the best relationship possible with them.
In conclusion, in order to repair a fractured relationship with your teen you should follow the steps listed above, in my opinion. You may feel like your teens are just these monsters that like to fight and listen to iPods. Well I have news for you, yes we may get a bit more moody in our teen years but we are still the same people we were pre hormones and maturity. We will always want the comfort, love, and support from the people who raised us. We will never get too old for a hug and reassurance that everything will be okay. They always say you fight with the ones you love the most, and it’s really the truth. I know I don’t like if I have a disagreement with one of my parents, that upsets me more than if I had a fight with my best friend because they mean so much to me. So just keep in mind a parent and child relationship is never unfixable. Yes it will take effort on both your parts, but the reward is much greater than anything else. Also always remember that when you fight with your kids, no one wins.