Clingy Parents, How to Let Go

Shannon is a 19 year old from Arkansas City, KS. She enjoys poetry, airbrushing, drawing, and reading. She believes that language as well as art is one of the most colorful ways to express the self. It is painting the world with words.

 

parents, stalking, limited, embarrassed, of rightsParents tend to cling to what they do not want to lose: their children. And in that aspect, they tend to latch on to their young in more ways than one. Mentally, they repeat certain words the loved one had said in a certain way when they were young. Physically, they could follow the grown teen around like a lost puppy, except for the fact that they know exactly where they are going. However, there is a point where clinging becomes too much. Listed below are two types of clinging and when these sorts of actions becomes too much.

The Lost Puppy

  • The parent follows the teen in stores or anywhere they go.
  • Always seeking opinion or approval.
  • Too needy for answers and socializing.
  • Always appears to have snacks around their child.

The Control Freak

  • Controls the emails, text, and online contacts. (Close up or from a distance)
  • Constantly asks for location.
  • Limits the kind of people that come into the house.
  • Eavesdrops whenever possible.

What Parents Really Want

What parents want the most is for their children to recognize them as an important part of their lives. Many feel a sense of loss that their little girl or boy has grown up so quickly. They often feel abandoned, or as if they are left without a purpose in their lives. They are probably questioning what to do with the remainder of their lives. Most parents would like to establish a lasting connection with their children because there is no guarantee that they will return. They would like them to return to visit so they could meet their grandchildren and have someone to care for them when they are nearly deceased. The greatest fear of most parents is that their kids will hate them and that they won’t come back.

For the Parents

Getting a new pet can help refill that sense of purpose while the kids are of at college or out hanging with friends. Pets can help relieve stress and can give the owner new challenges. Like kids or teens, pets make messes and can disobey their owner at times. They need a little guidance and when they need guidance the parents also find guidance, like a furry counselor. Much like the fact that caring can be an act of unaware self-counseling, many parents would also consider having another kid. If they are still fertile, or if they aren’t fertile anymore, adoption is always an option. Another option would be to spend more time with friends or to spend time with a spouse. Filling a life with love is always a good option whether it is a pet, another child, or even getting reacquainted with a significant other. Even then, parents have to learn to let go a little so they won’t go clinging to everything that comes their way. That is where hobbies come in. The ability to let go doesn’t some naturally. Parents have to let themselves go at times, only then will they feel the need to loosen their grip and feel better about moving on.

 

 

Photo Credit: by LikClick Photography

 

 

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  • DeniseZ

    Getting a puppy or having another child is like mom buying you a new blankie or teddy when they first wears out.  Parents do not need or want a substitute object of control or affection; they want a growing relationship with you.  Don’t push them away.  The harder you push; they tighter parents hold.     Your entry is poorly constructed, with allusions to this key suggestion tagged on the end and inadequately described/supported. 

    You can share common interests and not be overly involved or a stalker.  Our 16 yr old is a taekwondo black belt after 7 years .  She teaches at the dojang where both her parents have been training for 1.5 years.   We stopped chauffering & hanging around, and got out on the mat.  Now we have shared activity where she’s the expert.   Our 14 year old works stage crew for high school productions.  Dad spent a Saturday helping wire & hang new lights.