Steph is a 15-year-old writer from Quezon City, Philippines. She also likes to draw, surf the internet a lot, play video games, and daydream in her free time. Because of her laid back nature, she wants to get a job that she would at least enjoy, and dreams of becoming a best-selling novelist some day.
That’s normally what I would think whenever I would ponder on my relationship with my parents. We don’t conflict too much and love each other as a normal parent and child would do. We don’t fight, just the usual scolding. Yes, that’s normal. Trust is also something I experience, which brings in a lot of benefits for both me and my mom and dad.
But what about those teens who don’t really like their parents?
People aren’t perfect, sure, but I’ve heard many stories where parents aren’t doing a good job with helping their children. They scold them to the point that it seems too much, and that drives their teen away from them. I’ve met people who bluntly and honestly say that their parents are stupid for reasons that I can understand. They force their children the wrong way, which makes them feel like they’re not being given a chance to voice their own opinion or feel like they’re being limited. Most of the time, this affects the other siblings of the family as well no matter if they’re older or younger, which causes a ripple of chaos that’s hard to heal.
At this point, teens seem to change their needs of an understanding relationship to a simple, peaceful one. Peaceful meaning that they want to avoid their parents so that fights won’t occur. To quote from a friend of mine, she stated that she wanted a neutral relationship that isn’t too close for her, but also not too far so that conflicts won’t happen. But that’s not exactly a good thing, isn’t it? Why want a relationship where they don’t understand each other? It’s sad, but true that there are many teens nowadays who do not want to have a relationship with their parents at all. This is due to many issues like drinking and such…things that go unnoticed at times.
You’ll have to find a way to at least talk to your children without getting them hostile. Keep your patience in check and do not shout. They may seem like they’re the ones who are wrong, but what about you? Check yourself and go in to your kid’s shoes. Are you sure you’re not being too harsh on them? If they want to avoid you as soon as they see you, then there’s a problem.
Of course, teens that get into drinking and drugs are also at fault. Getting them to open up is tricky though, and similar to my friends, they wouldn’t want their parents finding out what they’re doing. We want space because we’re becoming independent, but that doesn’t mean that we’re ready to be independent either.
Understanding both sides is the key to getting a good relationship. Don’t settle for neutral and try to learn more about your kids. Teens should do the same thing.
If you want, you can try this little exercise right now: http://www.radicalparenting.com/2011/07/14/quiz-how-well-do-you-know-your-teen/